Kicking

Most of the time, I don't do much caffeine. Chocolate and soda don't really have nearly the same hit as caffeinated tea and coffee, despite what anyone says, so for the most part, I'm a non-caffeine person.

Which is why it can be so much fun to just go and slosh down a cup or two of black coffee every once in awhile. Zing! All of a sudden I feel much taller than usual, and why am I walking this fast? And - the thing over there! And - and - and -

So it can be fun. I don't drink alcohol anymore, at least very rarely, and not enough to get a buzz from it; and I haven't smoked pot in years. I suppose I could hyperventilate and spin around; but for some nice, work-appropriate drug use, coffee is clearly the thing.

But that's not where I'm at now. Right now, I'm at the other end of that cycle. I did some Earl Grey about six months ago, then I did some special Black Tea Blend that I found at the office, and pretty soon every day I was juicing up in the morning when I got into work. I popped the old firecracker every day, and soon it was all day too.

Soon I found myself eyeing the espresso machine as I passed by on the way to the bathroom. I finally even made myself a cup or two of the hard stuff, using those little coffee packs that you slip into the machine, push a button, and whammo.

Now it's six months later. It had got so I wouldn't even feel it anymore, but I still had to have it. And I wasn't one of those guys who wakes up and can't open their eyes until they hit the main line. I'd wake up good and early, no alarm clock needed, and I'd be alert and ready to go. But an hour or so into my day, I'd reach for the Earl Grey. And after I was done, I'd feel just the same as I did before. It had no punch, it had no zing.

So typically at this end of the cycle, I cool it off. In fact I usually don't let it get me this bad. Usually I'll have my fun for a few days, or a week or two, and then kick. Six months is the longest I've let myself go. So, I figure, it's been a while now, I just got back from traveling, drinking gourmet aged Earl Grey that was a gift from a woman friend, and I'm thinking, I've gotten what I'm going to get from this one. Time to kick.

The problem is - and don't get me wrong, I'm doing it - but the problem is, I just realized I only have the hard stuff in my house, and about two boxes of chamomile. Now, chamomile takes you the other way. Tires you out. Gets you ready for bed. I don't want that. If I'm going to kick, I want something neutral, something I can drink that won't be pulling me this way or that. Just some water, with a little flavor. But there's none in the house right now. All the peppermint and blueberry went bad in the box a good while ago. So I have to work something out.

I actually took my last hit the day before yesterday. And I managed it OK, but the fog rolled in, and the headache came on, and I didn't know if this was going to be the one day ride or the one month ride. I mean six months is a long time. And the whole while I'm thinking, we have the best caffeinated teas and coffees here at the job, too. Just one hit, and I can get back to work, no problem.

But I held out, and then yesterday it wasn't so bad, and now today I'm expecting it won't be quite as bad as that either. Damned if I don't think I made it out this time too. But it's still touch and go. And if I fall down this time, I just don't know where I'll land. And maybe that thought is what keeps me strong. That if I hold out just a little bit longer, I'll be that much closer to getting back to the way things were. And then in another six month, or a year, I'll be straight, and some good Earl Grey will give me the zings again. Oh, I'm waiting for that.