On Falling On

So, after I fell off the wagon and started eating bad, I actually managed to get back on the diet using the method I'd decided on: that 'day at a time' spreadsheet. I let go of the fact that I'd done the bad eating, and tried not to think about future bad eatings, but only paid attention to the present day's upcoming meals. And I gave myself a daily score indicating how well I'd eaten that day.

The point of the daily score is not to create a set of stats I can use later. Or to figure out whether to punish myself or not, or anything like that. The point of the daily score is to allow myself to let go of whatever I did that day. I ate that extra appetizer or whatever, I recognized it by including it in my score, and now I can move on. That particular little failing can be left behind, in the score for that one day, and now I have a chance to earn a top score for the new day.

That's how I think about it. And so, taking that approach, I was able to get back on the good diet right away. The big "falling off the wagon" moment lasted only a single day, the day that I did it.

But I did make some changes. For one thing, I stopped snacking. Or at least, I tightened up on the snacks a lot. I still might have some nuts once in awhile, but mainly I just don't snack between meals. The things that are still allowable are the two hardboiled eggs, and the tin of sardines; but those aren't snacks so much as they're things that I'd include with my meal if they didn't tend to dominate the flavor of the meal too much.

And I stopped going to regular restaurants. Or at least, I tightened up on that too. But the fact is, sometimes there's going to be a social occasion, and it'll be hard to get out of ordering off a regular menu; and I should be able to tolerate that. So there was one time last week, that my cousins were in town, and they took me to this great Jewish deli uptown, and I had some kind of scrambled egg with fish meal, and a bagel. So, lots of grease, salt, and refined flour. It was so good.

So, that day I got a score of .5 out of a possible 1.0; so, a very low score.

But in terms of going out to eat with friends, I basically stopped taking them to regular restaurants. In fact, I'm implementing a new experiment, where I keep a lot of herbs and spices and whatnot at my apartment, and I have my friends over to cook. The way it works is, they bring some meat or whatever, and cook it up using the stuff I keep around, so they're happy; and I cook my own food. So if they want a lot of salt and grease, that's cool, and I'll have my veggies and whole grains. That way we still get to hang out at mealtimes, which is really one of the best and most convenient ways to hang out, I think.

So basically I got back on the diet, and even tightened it up a bit, and ended up losing another 4 or 5 lbs right away, so I went down to 177 lbs. A friend of mine hung out with me yesterday after not seeing me for awhile, and said I looked "bony". That was the first time anyone had called me that in decades. In fact, I can't remember anyone ever saying that about me.

I plateaued at 177 though, and I've been there for a week, which is really fine. I don't want to force the weight issue. I imagine if I keep eating the way I'm eating, I'll gradually lose the rest of the weight.

Because I'm still overweight, according to the BMI. I have to lose another 6 or 7 lbs in order to be considered to have a 'normal' weight. And even then, that would only put me at the high end of the 'normal' scale.

But basically, hallelujah! My big 'falling off the wagon' experience became just a momentary thing instead of the total failure I was terrified it would become. I feel like it was a close shave; and I credit the whole 'day at a time' concept, that I borrowed from AA, for pulling me through.