Sickening

For the last 2 weeks I've been home in bed watching streaming media, sniffling, aching, coughing, the works. I was actually feeling so run down before then, that my work productivity dropped to zero. So it's been around two and a half or three weeks that I've been sick this time. That's a long-running sickness.

I don't usually like to go to the doctor when I have a cold or flu, because doctors suck - all they want to do is usher you out of their office as quickly as possible and collect their fee from the insurance companies.

But after 10 days, when I had this huge cough that was making me feel like my blood was going to burst out like needles through my skin each time, and after none of the store-bought medicines were doing anything to ease it off, I finally relented and made an appointment with my doctor.

He's a neurologist, which I figured would be fine - my previous doctor was a cardiologist, but he was still fine being people's primary doctor. And this guy had helped me get a prescription for physical therapy when I needed it, so he seemed like someone who'd be able to help me get a prescription for something to stop the coughing. Seriously - I was starting to injure myself.

So I made the appointment and went in, and the first thing he did was offer me a prescription for antibiotics. I said, "but doctor, aren't antibiotics really bad unless I have a bacterial infection?"

"It's true," he replied, "it might be a viral infection, in which case antibiotics would be contra-indicated."

I should mention, this conversation took place without any physical examination at all.

"Would you like to look in my throat?" I asked.

"We don't have any tongue depressors here. I'm a neurologist. Do you have an allergy to penicilin?"

"No, I'm not allergic to anything. But if I have a viral infection, shouldn't I be given something else? This coughing is horrible."

"Take some robitussin. NEXT!" And he ushered me out.

So, here's my theory. First, the guy was a jack-ass. What kind of an idiot pushes antibiotics when everyone knows there's a huge problem of humanity generating resistant bacteria that can't be stopped and that kills people?

But second, I realized what was really going on. He was totally fine prescribing absolutely horrifying stuff that was ruining the world, so long as it was for a bacterial infection; but he wouldn't do anything at all for a viral infection. You'd think if he had so little regard for the world that he was going to help it breed lethal, unstoppable bacteria, that he also wouldn't mind writing a little script to help my viral infection. But no! The reason he wouldn't treat me for a viral infection is because the only thing he could give me would be opiates!

That's right! Even though the treatments are completely not interchangeable because the two illnesses are very different, the alternative to antibiotics for bacterial infection are opiates for viral infection. And so many big piles of people are walking into doctors' offices with drug-seeking behaviors, that doctors are in such a sweat to spot them and prevent them from achieving their dastardly purposes, that they'd rather prescribe something completely unrelated instead! Something dangerous and harmful to the entire world!

So the trip wasn't a complete waste. I now understand why doctors are handing out antibiotics like lollipops, and why they've never lifted a finger to help me when I've finally dragged myself into their office to get some relief from a cold or flu.